Mother

Being a mother is a lot like being the head of a corporation - making decisions, planning, dedication, foresight, discipline, strategy, organization, tending the flock. I could go on, but we all understand already what it takes to be a mother, at least all the mothers understand. It takes one to know one, right? I really miss my mother. She passed away when I was 25. I never really became an adult, I don't think anyway, until I was 25. It isn't until then that we actually begin to grow up. I lost my Mom right when I finally grew up and could have begun to have real honest conversations with her. Up to that point I pretty much didn't know how to communicate well or to identify with her. Sadly, I regret not having a tight beautiful loving and understanding relationship with my mother. I love her, I always have, but it was me who didn't know how to receive that, and now it is too late.

There were four of us kids, a managerie of pets, and my mom worked full time to help make ends meet. There wasn't time for much special close bonding. We were all so busy, homework, friends, tending pets, working in the vegetable garden and picking fruit in the orchard, riding the horse, adventures and play. There is always so much to do. I can say that I cannot ever remember being bored. It never dawned on me that I needed to say I love you more often, I needed to give hugs and smiles and cheerfulness. I didn't realize it and I didn't do it, and now I am sorry. Teenagers have their own world to live in. We all know that's the way it is. I was like that, struggling to find my way, trying to find a place I fit in and peers who liked me for me, and ideas to accomplish and goals to try to become. Like all teenagers, I saw my life in my way, and I didn't reach out to get any help in it, I plugged away at what I thought was the right things for me to do, and many of them weren't. I kept my mouth shut and I continued to plug away, to struggle, to become frustrated and angry, and to hate myself at times. There is no way that I would ever EVER want to live through my teen years again.

I am a mother. I try to always keep an open conversation with all of our children (5). There are no subjects we won't talk about. I want to be the best listener there ever was, always give encouragement, strive for integrity at all times, set the best example that I am able to, teach by doing and by being (to walk the walk). I strive to keep my temper no matter what, and speak with an even tone. I try to think about what I am going to say before I let it leave my mouth (that's a hard one). I love unconditionally and continually and let love shine. I hug, I kiss, I speak love at every opportunity. I will give my life for my kids. That is love.

I miss my mother very much. I want to tell her I love her. I want to yell it from the roof tops. MOM I LOVE YOU! Don't let another moment go by - tell your Mom you love her. Even if you haven't spoken to her in years, even if you are mad at her, no reason is important enough. Let go of that pain and that nagging stupid resentment and free yourself. Do it for you and for her. DO IT. Life is way too valuable for you to let this opportunity go by.

I placed three scrap-pages I made for my mother here, hope you enjoy and pray you are inspired.